Why Habits Are Hard to Change

Health & Wellness
Written By Brittany Morgon

You know what you need to do to be healthier: Eat more fruit, get more physical activity, drink more water, go to bed earlier. But actually doing it? That feels impossible. You've downloaded the apps, bought the meal prep containers, and promised yourself this Monday would be different. Yet here you are, stuck in the same patterns, wondering why knowing isn't enough.

As a Health Behavior Coach, I see this cycle constantly. Brilliant, capable people beating themselves up because they can't stick to changes they know would help them feel better. But here's what I've learned after years of studying behavior science and working with hundreds of clients: the real reason why changing habits and building a healthy lifestyle is so hard isn't a lack of willpower or discipline. It's a misunderstanding of human psychology and the science of habit formation.

We've been sold a myth that trying harder is the answer. That if you just had more self-control, more motivation, more discipline, you'd finally crack the code. But what if I told you that relying on willpower is actually setting you up to fail? What if the problem isn't you—it's the strategy?

This post will break down the psychology of why learning new healthy habits is so difficult, debunk the common myths that keep you stuck, and give you a step-by-step, science-backed strategy to finally make changes that last. Because you don't need more rules, you need better tools.

Table of Contents

    What Actually Drives Change? The Psychology of Habit Formation

    Lasting change isn't fueled by fleeting motivation or that Sunday night energy when you decide you're going to transform your entire life by Tuesday. Real, sustainable change is driven by deep, internal factors that most people never think to examine.

    Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation: The Foundation of Building Good Habits

    Self-Determination Theory shows us there are two types of motivation, and understanding the difference is crucial for successful habit formation. Extrinsic motivation comes from external pressures like losing weight for a high school reunion, starting to exercise because your doctor scared you, or eating healthier to fit into those jeans. These motivators can spark action, but they fade fast.

    Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from within. It's wanting more energy to play with your kids, feeling strong and capable in your body, or reducing your risk of the health conditions that run in your family. This kind of motivation doesn't depend on external validation or temporary circumstances. Instead, it's anchored in your values and identity.

    Breaking Down the Habit Loop: How Both Good Habits and Bad Habits Form

    Here's the thing about your brain: it's kind of lazy. But in the best possible way! It's constantly looking for ways to conserve energy, which is why habits exist in the first place. Every habit follows the same pattern: Cue → Routine → Reward. This is called the habit loop.

    Think about checking your phone. The notification (cue) triggers you to pick up your device (routine) and you get a small dopamine hit from whatever you find (reward). Your brain learns to associate the cue with the reward, making the routine automatic. This is how all habits form—both the good habits that serve you and the bad habits that don't.

    Understanding this habit loop is crucial because it shows you why breaking bad habits and making healthy habits is so hard to do. You're not fighting against a lack of discipline, you're fighting against your brain's hardwired efficiency system.

    The Power of Emotional Connection in Creating Healthy Habits

    Goals need an emotional anchor to stick. "Improve overall health" is vague and uninspiring. "Feel confident and strong during my weekly hikes with my best friend" creates an emotional connection that your brain can latch onto. When your new healthy habit is tied to something you deeply care about, you're no longer forcing yourself to do it. Instead, you're choosing to do it because it aligns with who you want to be.

    The Myth of Habit Formation: "I Just Need More Discipline"

    Stop. Right there. If I could eliminate one toxic belief from wellness culture, it would be this one. The idea that you just need more discipline, more willpower, more self-control to make habits stick is not only wrong, it's actively harmful.

    Your Brain Is Wired for Efficiency, Not Willpower. This is Why Breaking Bad Habits Is So Tough

    Your brain operates like a highway system. Old habits are the well-paved interstates—smooth, automatic, efficient. Trying to create new healthy habits using willpower alone is like trying to drive through a muddy field when there's a perfectly good highway right next to it. Your brain will always default to the path of least resistance.

    Willpower is a finite resource that gets depleted throughout the day. This is why you can resist the office donuts all morning but find yourself elbow-deep in a bag of BBQ chips at 9 PM. It's not a character flaw, it's basic neuroscience.

    The Real Saboteurs: Stress, Fear, Identity Resistance, and Bad Habits

    When you're stressed, your brain defaults to familiar patterns. It doesn't have the bandwidth to navigate new behaviors, so it falls back on whatever's automatic. This is why your new routine often crumbles during a busy week at work, or why you revert to old eating patterns when daily life gets chaotic.

    Fear plays a role too. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear that you'll start and quit again. Your brain interprets these fears as threats and steers you away from the new behavior to keep you "safe."

    But the biggest saboteur? Identity resistance. If you see yourself as "someone who isn't a morning person," trying to build healthy habits around early exercise creates internal conflict. Part of you wants to change, but another part is fighting to maintain your sense of self.

    Let me share a story about one of my clients. She tried to force herself to go to the gym five days a week, jumping from zero to sixty because she thought that's what "consistent" healthy people do. She'd last about a week and a half, get overwhelmed by the time commitment and physical exhaustion, and quit. Then she'd spend the next month beating herself up for her "lack of discipline."

    The problem wasn't discipline. The problem was using a strategy to create habits that ignored her identity, her capacity, and her actual life. Once we focused on shifting her identity from "someone who hates waking up early" to "someone who loves to take care of her body," and started with realistic, sustainable steps, everything changed.

    The Real Keys to Sustainable Habit Change: Build Healthy Habits for the Long Haul

    If discipline isn't the answer, what is? Three things: identity, environment, and reinforcement.

    Identity-Based Habits: Building Good Habits by Creating a New Healthy Identity

    This is the most crucial step in building good habits that actually last. Instead of focusing on the action ("I will eat fruit every day"), focus on the identity ("I am someone who nourishes my body with whole foods"). The goal isn't just to perform healthy behaviors, it's to become the type of person for whom these behaviors are a natural expression of who they are.

    When you tie your new habits to your identity, you stop fighting against yourself and start acting in alignment with your values. It's the difference between "I have to work out" and "I'm someone who moves my body because it makes me feel strong."

    Environmental Design: Make the Right Choice the Easy Choice

    Your environment is constantly influencing your behavior, often without you realizing it. Instead of relying on willpower, create an environment that nudges you to build healthy habits and break bad habits automatically.

    Want to eat more fruit? Keep it washed, cut, and visible in your kitchen. Want to work out in the morning? Lay out your clothes the night before. Want to drink more water? Keep a reusable water bottle on your desk or within reach.The key is to increase friction for the habits you want to break and decrease friction for the habits you want to build. This way, making the right choice the easy choice.

    Reinforcement and Small Wins: How to Create Habits that Stick

    Your brain needs a reward to make a new habit stick, and this is something most people either disregard or over think. The reward doesn't have to be huge! It just has to be immediate and meaningful to you. Take a moment to notice how your joints feel less stiff after finishing a 10-minute walk. Acknowledge the energy boost you feel after drinking that extra glass of water. Feel proud of choosing the stairs over the elevator.

    Reinforcing these small wins build what psychologists call self-efficacy which is your belief in your ability to succeed. Each small success makes the next one more likely, creating an upward spiral of positive change.

    Social Support: The Power of Community When Creating Healthy Habits

    Humans are social creatures. We're wired for connection and belonging. In fact, studies show that when you share your goals with supportive people—whether that's a friend, coach, or community—you're more likely to follow through and achieve that goal.

    You can start by telling ONE supportive human about the habit you want to build. (Seriously, no hermit-ing allowed.) If you don't have anyone in your life who gets it, join a group with similar goals—think running clubs or support forums

    You can even use social networks to your advantage. Share your progress (privately or publicly), use apps that track streaks together, or connect with others facing the same challenges. The point is: let yourself be seen. The science says you don’t have to do it solo, so stop pretending you do.

    How to Make Change Stick: A Practical, Step-by-Step Strategy for Creating Healthy Habits

    Enough theory. Let's get practical. Here's the exact framework I use with clients to create healthy habits that actually last:

    Step 1: Start with Identity: Who Do You Want to Become with Your New Routine?

    Before you decide what you want to do differently, ask yourself: "Who do I want to become?" Not what you want to achieve, but who you want to be. Maybe it's "someone who is energetic and present for my family" or "someone who takes care of their body with respect and compassion."

    This identity becomes your North Star. Every habit you build should align with this vision of your future self.

    Step 2: Pick One Small, "Too Easy to Fail" Action for Your New Healthy Habit

    Choose a teeny tiny behavior that aligns with your desired identity. Not "run a 5K every morning" but "put on my running shoes and walk to the end of the driveway." Not "eat a healthy breakfast" but "include one piece of fruit with my first meal."

    The goal is consistency, not intensity. You're trying to prove to yourself that you're the type of person who does this thing. Once it becomes automatic, you can add layers onto it.

    Step 3: Design Your Environment to Support Habit Formation

    Set a clear cue for your new habit and remove as many barriers as possible. If your cue is your morning alarm, have your workout clothes ready and your playlist queued up. If you want to eat more vegetables, prep them on Sunday and store them where you'll see them first when you open the fridge.

    Step 4: Reflect and Adapt Weekly to Create Habits That Last

    This is where most people go wrong: They track their actions but don't reflect on their experience. Every week, ask yourself: What worked? What felt hard? What can I tweak to make this easier?

    Maybe you realize that afternoon workouts work better than morning ones, or that you need a different cue, or that your goal was actually too big to start with. This isn't a setback, it's data. Using it to refine your approach is part of the behavior change process.

    Step 5: Reinforce with Reward—Celebrate Every Good Habit

    Celebrate your actions, not just your results. The reward for your daily walk isn't weight loss—it's the podcast you listen to during it, the fresh air, the sense of accomplishment. Acknowledge these benefits in the moment. Your brain is always asking, "What's in it for me?" Give it a good answer.

    Frequently Asked Questions on Changing Habits

    How long does it really take for a new habit to form?

    The 21-day myth needs to die. Research shows habit formation can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, depending on the complexity of the behavior and your consistency. Instead of focusing on arbitrary timelines, focus on building a system that you can maintain regardless of how long it takes.

    What if I don't feel motivated to stick to my new healthy habit?

    Motivation is overrated. It's unreliable and fleeting. Instead of waiting for motivation to strike, rely on your system and environment. Remember: You're not trying to feel like doing it, you're trying to become the type of person who does it regardless of how you feel.

    How do I get back on track after messing up on my new healthy habit?

    First, stop calling it "messing up." You're learning. Every setback is data about what doesn't work for you. Ask yourself: "What can I learn from this?" Then get back to your very next small action. Don't wait for Monday, don't start over from scratch, just take the next right step.

    Can I change multiple habits at once or should I focus on one new healthy habit?

    I generally don't recommend it. Your brain has limited bandwidth for behavior change. Focus your energy on mastering one new habit at a time. Once it becomes automatic (truly automatic, not just something you're doing consistently), then you can layer on the next one.

    Stop Blaming Yourself—Start Building Systems to Make Good Habits Stick

    Lasting change is not an event. It's a process. It's less about willpower and more about psychology. The secret to creating healthy habits isn't forcing yourself to be disciplined. It's shifting your identity, designing supportive environments, and starting ridiculously small.

    Stop blaming yourself for past "failures." You weren't broken, your strategy was. The approach that treats habit formation like a willpower contest is flawed from the start. You need systems that work with your brain, not against it.

    Be compassionate and curious as you start this new approach. Notice what works, what doesn't, and what needs adjustment. Remember, the goal isn't to be perfect, it's to be consistent. And consistency comes from designing a life where the healthy choice is the easy choice.

    If you're tired of trying to figure this out alone and want structured support and accountability to make healthy habits stick, I can help. Let's talk about what Health Behavior Coaching can do for you.

    Brittany Morgon

    Brittany Morgon is a board-certified health behavior coach, nutrition nerd, and anti-MLM advocate on a mission to help you ditch diet culture and trust your body again. She’s on a mission to make sustainable health simple, guilt-free, and doable without the scams, guilt, or cauliflower pizza crust she knows you don’t actually like.

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